|| ada masa ||

I-

Bila tertutupnya ia, dilapik ketatnya sekali lohong senang dan tenang,

Habis gelap rasa bernyawa, habis pudar jalan dikejar.

Kita tidak tahu dari mana datangnya ia, kita takkan tahu,

Cuma perginya ia masih diakal, cuma takkan mampu dicari.

Kalau ada cinta baru yang hadir, hadirkanlah bila ia sudah terbuka,

Agar bukan sesiapa akan terluka, jangan apa-apa akan tersisih.

II-

Expectation kills.

Like stabbing the heart deep into its abyss; like mashing the mind until it smells rotten; like crumbling the desire as wrecked as shit!

It will end soon. But life never stops expecting anything. Sometimes we just need to deal with it.

|| makna ||

Life is complex. There’s nothing except for uncertainties.

Life is simple. We just need to live. It’s no longer about how long we stay living, it’s about how much we embrace the meaning of being alive.

As sometimes we think that something isn’t fair; when it isn’t turning the way we desired, we are essentially being unfair for not accepting things fated in life.

Setiap dugaan yang disusur adalah anugerahNya buat menghapus dosa hambaNya yang lemah, membuka mata pencari hidayah, menyuluh jalan hidup agar punya hikmah.

-I wish it won’t be any 100^th. If the wish is not granted, I wish I will forget .I wish we will. I wish none of us being hurt. Zero suffering-

|| tunggu.tahan ||

It’s the fifth day. Hari kelima tidur tidak berbuai mimpi, Hari kelima bangun tidak jumpa cahaya, Hari kelima berjalan tidak rasa bumi, Hari kelima berdiri tidak nampak mana mahu berhenti, Hari kelima siang tidak menyeri terang, Hari kelima malam tidak mendamai kelam, Remuk redam hati direndam luka masam, tapi hati masih mahu berdenyut mencari Redha. Selagi ada hati, bersabarlah. Selagi ada hati, ikhlaskanlah. Sebab hati itu milik Dia. Tiada rugi berpedih berjerih kerana Dia. I did and I still do. It’s permanent. This hurts so beautifully. Tuhan tolong jaga kita semua. Jaga aku. Jaga kamu.

|| short ||

It’s been one month plus plus since the first day I started being an intern. So, this will be the one month story. Just as a record-samalah macam bersunat, sekali seumur hidup (special case sahaja yang kadang-kadang dua kali), harus ada rekod yang disimpan.

The main agenda , how’s work? Nothing much to tell as nothing much yet that I did. Datang-belajar-balik, kadang2 keluar for event.So that’s all about work.

But, this short period taught me quite sound few things. Appreciate. Sudah hilang barulah kau mahu ingat. Nasib baiklah aku belum hilang apa-apa, dan bukanlah aku tak appreciate before. It’s just the feel became stronger lately. I miss the moments I spent with friends (who are now not around), lepak tak kira masa, sentiasa ada bila mahu, bergalak ikut suka.Sekarang ada yang di Amerika, ada yang di Toronto. Sibuk nak tinggal tempat grand2. Thank god masih ada yang boleh dibuat teman.

There’s too little time to spend for myself. No more tidur 10hr/day, no more self-treatment, no more movies whenever I like. The little time felt too valuable, it passes before I realize. So, the better I spent it, the more worthy it will be. It’s great that most of it was spent marvelously. Wah!

Belajar menerima, belajar memberi. Belajar untuk kurang takut, belajar untuk tidak terlalu berani.

|| twenty one ||

Adalah satu rahmat diberi peluang bernafas selama usia macam ini. Bless from god, nyawa itu diturunkan hasil kesempatan diberi mak and abah. Susah payah membela, membekalkan segala-gala. Thanks mak and abah. Setinggi-tingginya.

Kelibat-kelibat yang sesak-sesak menghibur , melara, mengisi rongga-rongga yang mulanya tiada apa-apa, terima kasih juga aku ucapkan.

Dalam banyak-banyak kelibat, ada yang terlalu kuat hadirnya hingga bayangnya terus melekat dalam ingatan aku. Ada yang sudah lama; lama seperti tuanya usia, lama yang membesar bersama, dan ada yang baharu; barangkali seminggu dua, atau sehari dua seperti radikalis mempengaruhi jajahan,kuat kesannya. Buat kalian ini, kalian tahu siapa kalian dan tahulah yang kalian sungguh bermakna. Benar-benar aku berterima kasih.

Tidak ada yang aku sesalkan. Yang indah dan yang nista. Segalanya adalah kehidupan dan pengajaran. Jangan ada yang disesalkan.

|| not a good one ||

it damns when you are among the people

who don't understand the situation,

but it hurts painfully when you are among the people

who don't understand who am i.

photo courtesy: http://lifelessonshome.com

|| Farewell Sis ||

Dear Miss Adeera,

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

Thanks for the moments u shared with us...

Farewell. We are separated to meet again. InsyaAllah.

|| Breakeven ||

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed' to a god that I xxxx believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she has no trouble sleeping
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even, no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even, no, oh

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryin to make sense of what little remains ooh
Cause you left me with no love, no love to my name.

-raining sept 11,0034-

|| September 7 ||

it's funny.

When you love, you can't be yourself.

You don't have the control of your heart beating,

You don't feel the touch of your hand,

You no longer can pursue whatever you are desiring except for love.

you are not you, you are what love wants you to be.

it's funny; love acts like a Hitler but it pleasures like Gandhi

|| commenting ||

ini untuk aku sekali la.

semua benda nak bising susahlah.

Kalau TV show gambaq raya waktu hari raya kata cliche, kang kalau bukan gambaq raya pulak kata tak sesuai.

Orang membudayakan bermaaf-maafan di hari raya pun nak dibising, tapi ade ke hang yang bising ni bermaaf-maafan di bukan hari raya (kalau ada bagus).

There's part of ourselves yang memang fitrahnya nak menyoal; that is our mind, tapi akal ada kita kena jaga, be true, jangan fitrah tu itu dijadikan hobi sampah, gunalah pada masa dan tempat yang betul.